At 11 years old I feel I was badly bullied by someone I considered a good friend.  We started a new school at the same time and quickly formed a friendship.

The following year we moved to intermediate together, and we were put in the same class.  This is when the bullying started.

It wasn’t violent, but it was emotionally cutting.  She turned a lot of people away from me and I felt very alone.  I withdrew inwards but outwards kept smiling.

I would get really angry and frustrated at myself.

  1. Because I didn’t know how to stand up for myself, my fear of defending me and being disliked even more was stronger than loving me and giving myself a voice.
  2. All that I had heard in my 11 years was SMILE, smiling makes people happy and they will want to be around you, so I smiled because I didn’t know how to stand up for myself, I let her walk all over me because people like smiling faces. People will like you if you smile.

Last week that person’s name re appeared and brought back all the anger.

I looked in the mirror, imagined her in front of me and told her exactly how I felt.  With rage inside I went out and I danced to Rage Against the Machine and let all that anger out.  After that I felt so free and light, and in that moment the massive ahhh popped into my awareness.

I was now the Bully, if I really listened to my own self talk.

So, it’s a mirror reflection.  She was showing me how I had been talking to myself, belittling myself, telling myself I was no good, why would anyone want to be around me, I’m dumb and stupid.

Then came the forgiveness of my friend however the most important part was the forgiveness for myself and the freedom to change myself talk.

If this resonates with you I will be running a 3-hour Workshop on BECOMING FRIENDS WITH THE BULLING VOICE

Venue will be in Pukekohe, but location will be confirmed closer to the date when I have confirmed numbers

$80 pp with a $40 deposit required

Saturday 25th April